My Journey by TAHIRA

Validation

2011-06-17T11:45:00.000-04:00

In the 25 years The Oprah Winfrey show has been on the air, Oprah has interviewed over 30,000 people. Oprah remarked on the last episode of her show, she realized that each one of those people wanted the exact same thing: validation. Every single person wanted someone to say, “I hear you. I see you. What you have to say matters to me."

To give that level of validation you have to be fully present with the other person. You have to truly listen and not simply await your chance to talk. As the person is speaking, you must also suspend judgment. If you are making judgments about whether what is being said is right/wrong or good/bad, than it is likely your facial expressions, body language and/or spoken response reflects the same. If the speaker senses this judgment, it is doubtful that he/she believes what being said matters to you.

This level of presence with another human being clearly requires that you have deep compassion for the other. What might the world be like if we could have this level of intimacy with one another? Cannot imagine having compassion with every person; how about those in your inner circle? How might a child feel if each parent offered this level of attention? If spouses and lovers were fully present with each other, how much healthier would are relationship be?

Start with one person and see what happens. You could begin by making the following commitments:

1. I will make direct eye contact while the person is speaking.

2. I will remove all distractions (cell phone, TV, etc.)

3. As the speaker talks, I will reply with sincere, empathetic statements such as “That must make you feel. . . “I can imagine that must be ______ for you.”

Is there any one in your life worthy of this level of attention?

The Courage to Love ( Again)

2011-04-26T21:33:00.000-04:00

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time. And always one more time.” ~ Maya Angelou

With each hurt and disappointment, I trust a little less. Yet, I know a closed hand does not lose anything nor does it gain anything. Yeah, there are moments that I know if there is nothing risked, there is nothing gained. But truthfully, I am a coward who is praying for a chance to see the wizard to get courage and a new heart.

On the way to see the wizard, I hope to encounter others who are willing to follow the yellow brick road. We leave behind everything familiar to us in a quest to fulfill our deepest desires. On our journey and through our friendship, we each discover that the thing we seek is within us.

It is a tale as old as time. Nonetheless, I am wishing for a rewrite: the new ending to include the same reward (courage) without the work (self discovery.) How is that for a fairytale happy ending?

Okay, I know I got to do the work; take the journey. On the path to love, I have even been startled by my own temerity. In those moments, I contemplate giving love another chance.

Then I remember the poem, The Invitation, and it implores me to remember the calling of my heart. Here is the stanza of the poem that is the real truth of my heart.

"It doesn’t interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for love

for your dream

for the adventure of being alive."

These words beckon me to live authentically, by taking risks with my heart, following my soul's desire and being deeply intimate with myself and others. The risks are great and so are the rewards.
Playing it safe may give me predictable outcomes and less pain, but it also robs my heart of the chance of expressing fully.

A friend recently told me that “safety is an illusion.” She is right. There really is no protection from pain. It can happen at anytime from anywhere. So I choose to take the risks.

I want to know a romantic love that fills me to the brim. I want believe that exhilaration, excitement and ecstasy can simultaneously take up space in my chambers again. I want to encounter a level of intimacy that exceeds anything I ever imagined or experience before.

I want believe in happy endings again.

The Path to Love

2011-04-20T14:44:00.000-04:00

Virtually every personality assessment I have ever done, shows that words are important to me. Recently, I read the book The 5 Love Languages. That book revealed to me that my primary love language is words of affirmations. Simply put: I need words to fill up my love tank.

Conversely, how I am most injured is through words. When someone does not keep their word to me in big matters (fidelity in a relationship) or small matters (being on time), it is unsettling to me. It can make me feel like the rug has been pulled from beneath me because words are my foundation. Words are how I metabolize my life. If I digest words that are unhealthy, I feel unsettled at my core.

When I am unsettled at my core, I do what many humans do when threaten, I see only two options: fight or flight. What I am coming to realize is that there is a third option and this third option will call upon me to gain greater insight into who I am. This third option may enable me to reach a higher level of spirituality.

In the book Conversations with God, it discusses creating higher and a higher version of you, as the way to the path of enlightenment. I need to create a version of me that is comfortable expressing my vulnerability. That is my third option.

I want to create a version of me that is willing to be courageous enough to tell others: Who I am; and what I want. I want a version of me that tells this truth in manner that is not derived from anger (which is a mask for fear); but rather extending from a place of wanting to be clear and truthful. Instead of “How dare you do XYZ to me?!” and “I will punish you by any means necessary.” I want to have the courage to say, “When you did XYZ, it made me feel disrespected and dispensable.” And “At my core, I know you respect me, so help me align these two incongruent experiences with you.”

The former approach makes me feel right and powerful. The latter makes me feel human.

Years of therapy has certainly given me the knowledge about mirroring, empathetic statements and other effective communication tools. Despite this knowledge, my degree in communications and my years working as a spoken work artist, it was not until recently that I had the epiphany that I am not very good at expressing who I am and what I want. I have fallen into a pattern of expressing what I will not allow; and what I am capable of doing if one crosses that line. The two modes of expressions may seem similar from a distance; but upon closer inspection, I can see that one stems from love and the other from fear. I want to create a higher version of me that chooses the path to love.

Doing the Dash

2011-04-13T17:59:00.000-04:00

"Somewhere between the beginning and the end, that's where I am in my journey."

~ Terrence Howard

Are we not all in that same place; in the middle of the journey, somewhere between the beginning and the end? Or at least, don't we all hope that we are in the middle? Perhaps, if in your elder years you may feel that you are closer to the end of the journey. But of course no one knows for certain.

We just know we are somewhere on the dash. The dash is the mark which lies between our birth date and the date of death. Recently, the oldest man in world died at age 113. When he was 70 did he believe, know and behave like he had 43 more years to live?

In a few weeks, I will turn a year older. What I do with my dash matters to me. Whether in the middle of the journey or near the end, I want the words I write and the stories I tell, to honor my ancestors and give hope to children. Words and stories live on long after we are gone. They become the legacy we leave behind. So I ask myself, “What legacy do you want leave?”

My prayer and vision is that it will be said that I told truth: even when it was not popular or convenient. It is my hope that my truth helped heal or inspire someone else. If my willingness to disclose my experiences, both those in the valley and on the mountaintop, enables another to let go past pain or forge ahead with greater courage, then I would consider my life well lived.

My mentor, Baba Jamal Koram, has often posed the question, “For what purpose do you tell the story?” He pushes me to examine my intentions and reflect on the impact the story will have on the receiver. Often I have grapple with how much to disclose; who will be affected; and how relevant what I have to say is to those who will receive it. Truth telling just for truth-telling sake is not acceptable. I have a responsibility to be responsible.

Wisdom does not simply happen by being on the planet for a certain period of time. Maya Angelou said, "Most people don't grow up. Most people age.” With the dawn of a new year on my journey, I pray that I have grown-up just a little bit more. For me, growing up involves getting wiser because of the valley experiences and not in spite of them. As I move further down the dash, my desire is to have the courage to tell the truth and the wisdom to know when to tell it.

To Climb or Fly on the Journey

2011-04-08T08:24:00.001-04:00

You can climb out of the valley stumbling and fumbling forward, with bleeding knuckles, scrapped knees and bruised feet, or you can fly. It really is all a choice. The choice is about what risks you are willing to take.

Climbing can certainly be safer. Depending on how long you have been in the valley, your wings may not seem to be in good condition. Your wings may be bent, bruised or even broken. However, the truth of the matter is, many do not even believe they have wings.

Flying out of the valley is literally a leap of faith. You must leap over your greatest fears, without any safety net. You must catapult yourself above the criticism and naysayers both external and internal, without any assurances that you will be successful.

Climb or fly? The choice is easy, right? Hardly. When given the choice many choose the former. Why? A common reason is that it feels like the secure choice. It is the choice many are most familiar. It is the choice most others will support. It is the choice many have been conditioned to accept by family and community.

On my journey, in some areas I made the choice to fly. Leaving a corporate job to become a professional storyteller would certainly be one of those flying moments. It was not a hard choice, despite being recently divorced, a mother of a toddler and a new homeowner. Everything unfolded in a Divine manner. Since taking flight, I have had no regrets. Certainly, I have had obstacles, disappointments and setback; however, I never looked backed or mourned the yesterdays.

In other areas, I have been far more fearful and cautious. In manners of the heart, I have wallowed in past hurts and disappointments. Much of my time has been spent examining where I have been; instead of where I am going. I cannot count the hours I have spent lamenting about who did what to whom; instead of celebrating the opportunity to now attract what I really wanted.

In a poem I wrote entitled, Sangin’ the Blues, I challenged myself to look at a broken heart from a new perspective. You can check out the poem below. In the meantime, if you have any suggestions on how I can sprout some wings, let me know.

Sangin’ the Blues

When the heart breaks,

It spits wide open.

Then all your dreams

All the things

You’ve been hopin’

Are now possible

And the possibilities

Are limitless.

So the next time

You are broken hearted

Put it to the test.

Look at it

As an opportunity

To do things differently.

Make room

For greater things.

Just see

What Spirit brings.

I affirm

You will find

A higher consciousness

That will bring you

Peace

Joy

And Bliss.

What do you have to lose

If I am wrong,

You can go on back to

Sangin’ the Blues.

My Patterns in Relationships

2011-03-21T23:50:00.000-04:00

Do you know your patterns in relationships? We all have them. We have patterns for everything. It is a very basic human trait. In the book, The Slight Edge, Leo Weidner calls these patterns, mental models. He describes them as “the brain’s habit-building process.” Weidner writes, “This amazing built-in process takes everything you experience and stores it, as a part of a specific mental model. Each time you go to do something you have done before, the brain calls up this mental model.”

Take for example a task like driving a car. When you get in a car, your brain immediately searches out it's data banks to find the mental model that can accomplish this task in the most efficient way possible. Same holds true for how we experience other things in life, such as relationships. We do it the way we previously did it; because it is the brain’s way of being efficient.

Even if you change the person you are in relationship with, we often still activate that habit-building process. These habits or patterns are inevitable, unless we bring a conscious awareness to them and take deliberate actions to change them. (Of course, that is if you want to change them.)

My pattern in relationships involves two distinctly different types of men. The first pattern is with the type of man I labeled, Catnip and Kryptonite. The other pattern is with the type I dubbed, Devoted and Detached.

Catnip and Kryptonite Man
He can best be described as woman-magnet. He is attractive, charming and a big talker. In his company, I feel intoxicated, especially when he is lavishing attention on me. A gifted orator, he does not hold back on verbal praise. He also has an amazing intensity to his gaze that can easily weaken me. This man has the ability to have this earth-grounded, female bull (Taurus) floating on ether!

He often has some major money issues; despite the outward appearance, otherwise. Willing to overlook his shortcomings in the financial area, the relationship usually ends because of his infidelity. Inside, I collapse. Outside, I am cool and calculating, as I plot my withdrawal. My exit is usually swift, blinding and hurtful. He never sees the fast, sucker-punch to the jaw coming. By the time he realize it, I am GONE.

Devoted and Detached Man
He possesses a quiet demeanor (especially in unfamiliar environments), average looking, stable, dependable, and financially secure. He usually catches my eye because he is so incredibly decent: a good-guy. Since usually, I am coming out of a relationship with Catnip/Kryptonite, this new kind of man is a breath of fresh air.

He is very predictable to the point of being boring. You can set your watch by him. He does the same thing, the same way and sees no reason to change it. I feel safe with him. What I do not feel is that we “get” each other. He thinks I am too eccentric and I think he is disconnected from his heart.

The relationship with this man usually ends because we feel like strangers to one another, which usually translates for both of us as, “I must not truly love you.” The end is very hospitable: polite even.

My patterns are clear. My mental model in my journey in relationships is much like driving: I have taken the same road time and time again. When there is an accident on that familiar road (Catnip/Kryptonite), I take a quickest detour (Devoted/Detached) that I know.

It is time to take a new road to my destination. So I wonder if there is a THIRD type of man I could attract that would render a more favorable result. Someone who feeds my heart’s need for excitement AND my mind’s need for security. This new man is someone who I can feel loved by and safe with.

Oh, what shall I call him?

Love Yourself

2011-03-17T16:45:00.000-04:00

“You cannot give away what you don’t have.” Are you familiar with that old adage? I often have to remind myself of this truth. How am I to be generous, patient and kind to others, when I find that I deny myself, am self-critical and try to use negative reinforcement to motivate myself?

“Your dress size is a clear indication that you do not need that ice cream.” This statement serves to motivate me to make healthy food choices. A more effective self-talk would be: “I lovingly choose foods that help me maintain a healthy lifestyle.”

Charity truly does begin at home. My mission to use story to empower others to think critically, choose wisely and believe fervently in their ability to succeed must begin with me. So I must ask myself, “What stories are you telling yourself?” “Are the words you speak to yourself inspiring and empowering?”

To motivate myself to maintain my four-day-a-week exercise regiment, I remind myself of how far I have come in my physical rehabilitation, since my near-fatal car accident in August 2009. This story is far more encouraging than berating myself about my dress size.

That inner critic is an enemy to many people. If most people were to broadcast their inner voice, undoubtedly, it would be a barrage of negative self-talk. It is my strong belief that such self-sabotaging talk has absolutely no value. In fact, I would purport that negative self-talk is the major contributor to low self-esteem and a major obstacle to obtaining goals.

If you want to begin to silence that inner critic, spend just a few minutes at the start of your day speaking loving, affirming words to yourself, while looking in a mirror. If you need help with writing your daily affirmation, check out the book, You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. It contains powerful, loving affirmations for every area of your life: relationships, work and health.

Start each day loving yourself and you will find you have so much more love to give to others.

Tools to Use in the Valley

2011-03-14T16:36:00.000-04:00

Living a life on purpose is not without its challenges. Without question, doing what you love and making a living at it is very rewarding. However, like all journeys, it has within it, mountain top experiences and valley experiences.

In the 17 years I have been a professional storyteller, the valley experiences have included:

Drastic fluctuations in my income
Feelings of isolation from working independently
Sacrificing personal luxuries to maintain financial stability

How long I stay in the valley often depends on how effectively I use and apply the following tools:

Journaling: It is the best and cheapest brand of therapy.
Prayer/Meditation: If I am consistently spending time in quiet reflection, it gives me an inner calm that often can override the outer chaos.
Support Circle: It has been a blessing to be in a circle of people who can encourage and inspire me when I am in the valley. The organizations, National Association of Black Storytellers and Keepers of the Culture have given me immeasurable support on this journey. My own circle of family and friends have also given me unwavering support. If you do not have such a support circle in your life, it may be time to change your flock.

On your journey, if you find yourself in the valley, employ these tools and let me know how they work for you. If you have other tools that you have found effective, please share, I am always looking for more. If you need help discovering your life’s purpose, check out my e-book. If you join the mailing list, you can get a free excerpt of the book.

Whatever path you take, just remember that the valley is the space between two mountains.

Be Generous

2011-03-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been reminding myself to be generous to myself; not with gifts per se, but rather kind words, patience, time and attention. My generosity has shown on in consistent trips to the gym and longer time in bed. When I open my eyes in the morning, instead of running down my long to-do list, I scan my body and assess whether I am rested enough. If I am not well-rested and my schedule allows, I remain in the bed. I may or may not go back to sleep, but I will lie in the bed and do some affirmations.

It dawned on me recently, that there was a time when I was in a consistent state of spiritual consciousness. I would start my day in a prayerful state and throughout the day use affirmations and breathing to maintain spiritual alignment. For years, my day started with this affirmation I read in one of Iyanla Vanzant’s books.

"I awake with clarity and peace of mind. I know who I am; what I am to do to; and how I am to do it. My clarity of mind gives me focus. The excitement in my heart urges me on. I know. I am sure. I am ready, willing and able to greet this day and all that it has in store. I am divinely guided and I know exactly what to do. I am on purpose."

It has been awhile since I have been that state of heighten spiritual awareness. Lately, I have been more in my head; throwing myself into my day mind-first; consumed by my never-ending to-do list. Now that I have made a pledge to be generous to myself, I find I am slowing down and examining myself more closely. Self-reflection often brings me back to balance.

Here is a song by India.Arie that captures this lesson beautifully. The song is appropriately entitled, “Beautiful Day.” Enjoy!

Balancing Creativity with Practicality

2011-03-06T20:58:00.000-05:00

One of the most interesting things about this journey, called life, is the process of creativity. It never ceases to astonish me. There are moments when an idea will come to my mind, whether it is a story, song or poem; and it will come to me (or rather through me) in its entirety. All I have to do is get-up-out of the way and it will pour forth, as easily as a rain drop down a windshield. In those moments, I know that I am not creating the work; but rather allowing the work to come through me. I am but a vessel.

Case-and-point, on Thanksgiving Day, I was driving to my mom’s home and Joss Stone was crooning in the speakers. One song contained the words “color me.” Instantly, a completely, different song flowed over my lips. A brand new song that was ready to be birthed. I knew I needed to stop my vehicle; pull out a recorder; and get the song down before it got away from me. I also knew that if I did not stop at that moment, the song would be lost.

That’s when the internal battle between the Creative me and the Practical me began. The Creative one wanted to stop and the Practical one wanted to arrive on time to Thanksgiving dinner. The conflict between these two parts of me is a constant and frequent occurrence.

My challenge is finding the balance between the two. Both parts have their merits. The Creative one produces the work that feeds my soul and when I share that work; it feeds the souls of others. The Practical one keeps the order in my life that allows me the luxury of making my work as an artist, my vocation.

It is my firm belief that the reason I have been able to work for the past 17 years as a professional storyteller is because of these two parts of me. My Creative self is the visionary, who is always looking toward the future and asking, “What if?” My Practical self is the pragmatist, who is always in the present moment and asking, “What’s needed now?” My never-ending challenge is to nurture both parts me by giving amble time to each.

On that day travelling to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner, I decided to settle the conflict by compromising. I recorded the song, as I was driving (Don’t worry. It was a hands-free recorder.) and arrived on-time to dinner. Unfortunately, when I arrived at my mother’s door, the song was not complete. The hook and one and a half verses and were done, but I knew there was more. The Practical part of me won by reasoning that the song was nearly completed and could easily be finished later.

It took a few weeks before the other half of the second verse was created. Several months later, it still feels like it is not yet completed. What is the moral of the tale? Hmm, good question. I am not entirely sure. I do know if I had to do it over again, I would have stayed in the vehicle longer to finish the song and risk being late for dinner. Surely, mother would understand.

p.s. When the song is completed, I will post the video :-).

Making Decisions

2011-03-03T15:37:00.000-05:00

“When you make a decision have your mind made up.”

A friend quoting his mentor shared this pearl of wisdom. This message in this statement is to hold firm to your conviction and be certain that your conviction is indeed your truth. It is not about rigidity or inflexibility but rather about integrity and impeccable speech.

Often folks are careless with their speech and arrive at a decision through uncontrolled emotions that lead to making not too well-thought out declarations. When the consequences of that decision begins to unfold, the speaker begins to back off that declaration or when others offer their opposing opinions about the decision, the speaker begins to waiver.

Recently, a friend asked me questions about my decision to end some relationships. She asked me:

•Did you have regrets for moving on and letting friends go?

•Have your friends reached out to you?

•Did you make new friends?

•Was it worth it?

To the first question I would say, “No.” It really takes me a significant about time and prayer to end a relationship, especially a long-term relationship. Consequently, once I arrived at that the decision there are no regrets. To the next question, I would have to say that I did not leave much room to reopen the door, once it was closed. It is not that there is no chance for reconciliation later down the path. Once I see that the current conditions are not conducive for the relationship to continue, I end it. Normally, I do not outline what conditions have to change because then I feel like I am getting into the “you-must-change” mode, which rarely serves anyone. I do not believe you can change others or should ask others to change. You can only change you and the way you respond to others.

Did I make new friends? My new flock is evolving. I am thankful that in the evolution, I am enjoying my own company. Finally, to the last question: “Was it worth it?” I would say, “Yes.”

At the root of this decision was my desire to take good care of myself, despite the difficulties that come with ending a relationship. In the end, when I make a decision, I pray that it is for my highest good. This journey called, life, is an opportunity for me to create higher and higher versions of myself. I pray daily that this intention is the basis for all my decisions.

Changing My Flock

2011-02-24T13:43:00.000-05:00

I heard it said that in 15 seconds you can tell how successful a person will be by asking them two questions:

What books do you read?
What people do you spend the most time with?

My replies to these questions were very revealing to me. As for the first question, my book shelves are lined with personal development books that have helped me immensely, in every area of my life. As for the second question, I always thought myself to be a good judge of character and considered my closest friends to be decent, kind people, with strong spiritual foundations. Upon further inspection, I discovered that my closest circle of friends were not on a similar path as I.

Here’s what I mean. When I listed my goals and dreams on one side of the paper and listed my friends on the other, there was no connection. No one in my flock of friends had accomplished the things I wanted for myself nor were they on a path headed in that direction. Now, it is not necessary that everyone in your circle have the same aspirations; however, there certainly should be someone in your flock who can provide insight, advice or information on how to get where you want to go.

Being on purpose, serving others and building an empire by combining those two aspirations, has been my path for nearly two decades. There must be someone in my flock that is flying ahead of me who can say, “This way.” Or someone flying next to me in the pack who can say, “We can do this.”

This epiphany led me to end some relationships. Iyanla Vanzant once said, “People come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime.” I ended those relationships that were clearly seasonal. Relationships, in which, what we shared together did not measure up against the barometer of what we could accomplish together. I ended relationships, in which, my instincts told me for some time, that our paths were not in alignment, despite the affections we shared between us.

Recently, I read an excerpt from a book called, The Power of Story: Change your Destiny in Business and in Life. The premise of the book is to examine your life, as if it were a story that you tell to yourself. Upon examination of that story, you may decide to make changes. Upon examination of my story, I decided to make changes in the supporting characters to ensure that my story would unfold according to my vision and purpose.

What is your story? Do the characters in your life support the vision and purpose you have for your life? Are there changes you need to make to the characters or setting? What books do you read? What people do you spend your time with?

Elevator Speech

2011-02-10T14:41:00.002-05:00

Do you have your "Elevator Speech" on the ready, to be delivered at any minute?

An elevator speech is a short, concise statement of who you are, and what you want. If you have a business, your elevator speech would include what your product or service is and what value it has to your customers. You should be able to deliver your speech in the time it takes to ride an elevator (estimated between 30 seconds and two minutes).

Here is my speech, "I am TAHIRA, a storyteller. My mission is to use story to inspire and empower others to think critically, choice wisely, and believe fervently in their ability to succeed."

Luck is defined as opportunity that meets preparation. If the person who could deliver all your dreams, got on an elevator with you and you had that elevator ride to deliver that speech. Could you do it? What would you say?

For tips on writing your Elevator Speech, check out my YouTube Video

below.

A New Woman

2011-02-06T19:43:00.007-05:00

One Saturday afternoon, the television was tuned to a video marathon of R&B tunes from the mid 1980s and early 1990s. Just the backdrop I love, as I put some TLC in my home.

As I swept, mopped and dusted, I crooned out the lyrics to songs from artists, such as Anita Baker, Luther Vandross and Teddy Pendergrass. Memories began to flood my mind. Howard University 1985: Club Philly meeting about South Africa Apartheid; February 1989: at my father’s bedside in his last moments; September 1992: my baby girl is born.

For the most part, these memories bring me smiles. Then, as I looked back in my mind’s eye at the woman I used to be, I had an epiphany: I am not that woman anymore. It is not simply a matter of maturation. It is a fundamental shift in WHO I AM.

Sure, many of the values I had in my twenties remain today: integrity, commitment to justice, and love for family. Now, my hopes and dreams are so different. Once I dreamed of forever and ever love. Now I dream of loving higher and higher versions of myself.

If someone was to knock on my door today, and announce that I could realize all the dreams of the woman I was at 28 years old, my reply would be, “No thank you, that woman does not live here anymore.”

Tell me. What would you say to an offer of realizing your dreams of long ago?

Out of the Valley

2011-01-26T19:20:00.009-05:00

"I've had so many rainbows in my clouds." ~Maya Angelou

My last post was nearly a year ago. In that post, (and in the many of those immediately preceding it), I wrote a great deal about a valley experience. It thrills me to report that I am out of the valley. It is equally thrilling to share that I am so grateful for all that happened down in the valley.

What brought me to the valley was a near-fatal car accident, which was soon followed by an abrupt ending to a love affair. What kept me in the valley was my deepest desire to learn all that the valley had to teach me, so I might rise from it better, wiser, stronger.

So here I am. Without a doubt, I am better, wiser and stronger. My greatest lesson is that the Creator answers prayers.

One prayer was: "Show me who this man really is." After the prayer was done, I pledged not to turn my head at the parts I did not like; and promised to do what needs to be done, if he turns out to be someone who needs to be eradicated from my life. Within days, all I needed to know was revealed and I ended the relationship.

So here I am on the mountaintop. The scenery is very different. Some of the people who were with me when I descended into the valley are not here now. I also ended a few friendships that clearly hindered my ascent, realizing that to soar higher, my flock had to change.

Making these choices was not easy. Choosing this path was not popular. Taking the steps needed to climb out of the valley was not pretty or graceful. Nonetheless it was necessary.

"Right may not be expected. It may not be profitable. But it will satisfy the soul."

~ Maya Angelou

Unexpected Company in the Valley

2010-04-10T00:37:00.005-04:00

A dear sister-friend came to my mind the other day. It had been some time since we had talked. Refusing to make excuses about why I should not call in that instant and rejecting the notion that a text would be a quicker, less intrusive way to reach out; I picked up the phone and called her.

When I asked how she was doing, she did not give me that standard, "Fine." Instead, she answered the question honestly and courageously. She told me she was in a healing crisis of the heart.

Applauding her willing willingness to answer with such bravery, I briefly let her in on my own healing of the heart. My desire in sharing that story was to let her know she was not alone. My other motive was the hope that my tale about my grieving process might aid her in some way.

Our conversation was brief. I suggested she read the poem, The Invitation. The book (by the same name) gave me such comfort in the earlier stages of my loss. It gave me permission to fall.

Today, I sent a quick to my friend to update her on my progress. I share that note with you below, for the same reason.

Seven months into my descent. Some days it feels like I am gliding on the wind and there are beautiful, lushish, green landscapes all about. Other days it feels like I am diving head-first into a jutting cliff.

Recycling

2009-11-12T14:40:00.006-05:00

What if I could take a bad experience and recycling it?

Everything on the Journey has value. (Labeling experiences good or bad may result in me overlooking that value. For the sake of this exercise, I will use the term bad in this post.)

Here is what I imagine I could do with the pain someone caused me . . .

I'm gonna take all the bad things you did to me and take them down to the recycling center.

I'm gonna put them in an odorless trash bag so they do not pollute the air during the transport.

I'M GONNA UNLOAD IT ALL.

Perhaps your betrayal will become a bicycle some little boy will ride and feel free.

Perhaps your lies will become a light bulb that will help a lost child find her way home.

Perhaps the tears you caused will become a tiara some little girl clings to as she dreams of being a princess.

Yeah, I'm gonna take all those bad things you did to me and turn them into something useful; something worth having; something worth sharing.

You see, that's what storytellers do. We take all the bad stuff that has happened and use it to teach, to inspire and to heal.

Chasing Rainbows

2009-10-27T13:27:00.000-04:00

Below is a post I wrote several months ago but did not publish because I thought is needed some polishing. It was written when I was in a different space than I am now. Hope and faith filled me to the brim, then. Now, hope and faith is just returning to my heart as I ascend from the valley.

Reading my words from a time I was hopeful and faithful is like listening to a wise friend. It feels like Grace has been found me again.

Don't let them steal your rainbow, Queen.

~ My King

After a rainstorm passes over, I often run outside to look for rainbows. Lately, there have been quite a few thunderstorms and I have been treated to the most brilliant arches of color.

Are you are rainbow chaser?

In the midst of language such as, the worse recession since the depression and economic crisis, it may be hard to stay on the path of high vibration, positive energy and awaken consciousness. Everywhere you turn people are talking about how bad it is.

Whatever the balance in your financial portfolio; however challenging your current economic situation; I would bet the farm that if you sat down and wrote a list of the things you do have, you would find you have much to be grateful for.

I am not advocating ignoring any challenges you may be faced with now. What I am promoting is: before you go into action attempting to tackle those challenges, make a gratitude list. You may find that after making that list, you have a clearer mind and subsequently, a better plan of action may unfold.

If you need a daily inspirational message to keep you motivated, I recommend Notes from the Universe. If you want to a book to keep you lifted, I would suggest, Ask and It is Given.

Of course, I hope you find the post of my blog helpful :-).

Keep looking for the rainbows!

The Ascent Out of the Valley

2009-10-21T14:52:00.015-04:00

The cloud cover on my heart and spirit is lifting. What's strange is: part of me wants to stay up under those dark clouds. It feels comfortable. Being checked out is getting to be comfortable.

However, there is another part of me that is ready to rise up out of the valley. That part of me knows it is time to start my ascent.

As the clouds clear, it is reasonable to expect my thoughts to still go back to what happened. The details of the storm that led to my descent will certainly still come to mind. Surveying the damage after the storm is normal. For a short time, I will be allowed to go back. Mourning what has been lost is natural. Retrieving what can be salvaged is expected.

Then, it is time to vacate the valley because it is not safe to stay any longer. An Authority comes to tell me to evacuate now. The directive is firm but gentle.

As I begin my ascent, I look back over my shoulder to look at the wreckage. It feels surreal. A sadness sweeps over me. Simultaneously, I feel a firm yet compassionate Presence leading me out of the dark into the sunlight.

Micheal Bernard Beckwith talks about three kinds of darkness:

1) Gestation Darkness: When something is about to be birthed from you.

2) Shedding Darkness: When a part of you that no longer serves you dies off.

3) Blinding Darkness: When you look directly into God's light and the brilliance temporarily takes away your sight.

All three seems to apply to my recent valley experience.

As the clouds lift, I am having trouble adjusting to the light. Still I put one foot in front of the other and move towards the light.

My footsteps may be wobbly. My muscles may have atrophy. Yet, I still go forward into the light.

Falling on the Journey

2009-10-15T15:20:00.018-04:00

When Falling Apart Helps You Keep It Together is the title of a book on grief that a dear friend mentioned to me as we discussed my recent valley experiences. We discussed the benefits of collapsing into what you are feeling.

Recently, I allowed myself to do has invited by the poem, The Invitation, and sit with my pain without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. It felt like a collapse. The weight of recent events in my life led to this descent into the valley. The decision to fall was completely deliberate and with a consciousness. That is to say, it was not analogous to hurling myself off the side of a cliff but instead, allowing myself to free fall.

The former may be born out of desperation and hopelessness while the latter is sourced from a willingness to let go and let God. I also discovered that it requires strength and courage to face your own pain and fears and not shrink back. I had to be strong enough to allow myself to be vulnerable and not move to deny it.

For the most part my collapse has been in private. The solitude has not made the experience free of feelings of vulnerability. Just imagine standing completely nude in front of a full-length, 3-D mirror all alone.

Would you have the urge to avert your eyes from the image projected before you?

Would words of criticism come to mind and would that critique cause you to reach for your clothing?

Would you question the value in even engaging in such an activity?

Well, I answered all of those questions affirmatively when my collapse began. And I did it ANYWAY.

Never before have I experienced that kind of strength and courage that enabled me to collapse, to free fall and not know where the bottom was or if it would come at all.

I am still falling.

The bottom has not come yet.

In the midst of the descent I have discovered parts of me that I had long forgotten. For instance, I am now reacquainted with the gambler's spirit in me. That part of me that is willing to take an adventure without knowing where it will lead. That part of me that believes the possibility of winning far outweighs the probability of losing.

The falling apart really is helping me keep it together.

The Invitation to the Journey

2009-10-08T15:44:00.010-04:00

At the time this writing, I am in the valley.

Every person's journey leads them through terrain that includes mountains. As we know, between every two mountains is a valley. Today and for several days in the past seven weeks, I have had many valley experiences. My past travels prove to me that what Iyanla Vanzant says is true, "there is value in the valley."

Ever-present in the valley with me is the Divine. Rarely do I feel lonely, yet I am often alone. I am thankful that I enjoy my own company.

Often, I am vulnerable and afraid. More and more, I am learning just how much courage and strength it takes to allow myself to be vulnerable and afraid.

The Divine led me to pick up a book that I have had for years but have not read in quite some time. The book, The Invitation, is based on a poem by the same name. The following line from the poem is greatly assisting me in this moment in the valley,

"I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it."

In days to come, I will blog more about my valley experiences. For now, I invite you to read the poem, The Invitation. Let me know what you think about it; what did it stir in you; how did it make you feel; what is your visceral reaction to it?

The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved

Punctionality on the Journey

2009-07-03T10:05:00.006-04:00

Actually, TAHIRA, everyone is reasonable.

They just have their own reasons.

And usually it's worth trying to learn what they are to maximize chances of a full-blown, 60's style, psychedelic lovefest. Which is always a good thing.

Groovy you,
The Universe

The above message is from Notes from the Universe. "Everyone is reasonable they just have their own reasons." Hmmmmm.

When I read this message, the first thing I thought was how unreasonable I think it is to be chronically late. As a person who prides herself on being on time, I find people who are habitually late very annoying.

Do they have their own reasons for being late? Absolutely!

Is it worth trying to learn what those reasons are to maximize chances of a fully blown, 60's style, psychedelic lovefest? My ego says, "Hell no!"

My spirit is having a hard time getting into the conversation.

Functionality is about integrity for me. Of course, each of us may fall short on occasion, but when you have a reputation for rarely being on time that begs me to ask, "Whatsup with that?"

Are you seeking attention? Does it stem from some deep-root desire to self-sabotage?

For me, to honor your word is to be honored in this world. Now I will admit that I can be a bit obsessive about being on time. I also know that any obsession is unhealthy.

My punctuality obsession stems from my childhood. (Most obsession start there ;-) My mother demanded it. My father dismissed it.

The result: I brooded and pouted when my mother insisted on me being on time. I brooded and pouted when my father was rarely on time.

Am I missing out on some groovy experience by not allowing others to continually make me wait?

I read somewhere once, that when you are waiting you should see it as an opportunity to practice patience. Unfortunately, patience is another character flaw of mine.

Divinely Ordered Steps on the Journey

2009-07-02T07:47:00.006-04:00

Lately, I have been extremely productive in various facets of my life: personal, business and spiritual. My plate has been pretty full. However, I have been able to maintain my center and make significant strives completing my long to-do list because I have been diligent about journaling each morning and doing walking meditations. As a result, I feel more focused and grounded during the day.

Journaling every day is easy for me. It’s a habit I established in my life at an extremely young age. However, a consistent meditation practice has been elusive for me at times.

Recently, Renee Colbert Gadson (my dear friend) and I made a pact to resume an exercise regiment. We acknowledged that physical wellness is an important element to achieving the goals in other areas of our life. We also agreed that the exercise program is not simply to lose weight or become fit but to help us maintain our spiritual focus, as well.

I decided that my regiment would include walking for 30 minutes. My intent was to start off slow and honor my body’s current limitations. Right behind my home is a track, so I made use of it. To be certain there was a spiritual component, I said an affirmation with each lap.

Lap One and Two
There is a great demand for my work as an artist and I am paid extremely well.

Lap Three and Four
All of my relationships are loving, healthy and fulfilling.

Lap Five and Six
Life is easy.

Caring for my teenaged daughter. Easy.
Balancing business and creativity. Easy.
Spending time with my King. Easy.
Spending time with my family. Easy.
Giving back to my community. Easy.

After the walk, I start my day. I am not just physically energized. I am mentally focused, emotionally connected and spiritually aligned.

Throughout the day, I get this overwhelming sense that the Divine really is conspiring to do me good.

For example, the other day I had an appointment that I totally forgot about. When I realized it, it was hours later. When I checked my messages, I was anticipating hearing irate messages from the woman I was supposed to meet with. Instead, she left a message informing me that she had to cancel and apologized for any inconvenience caused me.

Coincidence? I think not.

Life can be seen as a series of unrelated events that occur by happenstance. Life can also been seen as a conscious design stemming from, not simply positive thought, but from the awareness, understanding and knowledge that there is a Divine Presence operating in the Universe that is individualized as you.

I choose the latter as my truth. Besides, even if I am wrong, I would bet cash money that I am having waaaaay more fun than the folks in the other camp.

Life is Easy

2009-06-18T12:04:00.010-04:00

TAHIRA, it's supposed to be easy. Everything is supposed to be easy. Everything is easy. You live in a dream world. You're surrounded by illusions. And the illusions change when you change your thinking!

Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it a mantra. Eat, sleep, and breathe it. And your life shall be transformed.

It's supposed to be easy,
The Universe

The message above was emailed to me. I get personalized daily messages to remind me of life's magic and my divinity from Notes from the Universe. Each morning I look forward to reading the message of the day. The morning I got this message I had been feeling overwhelmed by the many demands in my life. I was able to shift my energy from frustration to inspiration by creating a post to my blog. Shortly thereafter however, I felt my vibration shifting back into low gear.

When I read this message I decide to make, "It's easy," my mantra for the day. Now, a week later I find myself still using this mantra.

When I look at the long to-do list I tell myself, "It's easy."

When I stare at a blank piece of paper hoping some words will spill forth from me and onto the page to share with others, I tell myself, "It's easy."

When I look at my daughter and see her blossoming into a young lady that soon will be on her own, I tell myself, "It's easy."

When I think about my amazing relationship with my King but begin to wonder how we will manage to find time for each other and our children, I tell myself "It's easy."

"It's easy."

"It's easy."

"It's easy."

If you need a daily lift, sign-up for Notes from the Universe. If you know of any other inspiring daily message service, have your own mantra/affirmation/prayer you have found helpful, post a comment and let me know. I could use all the help I can get ;-).

Conspiracy Theory

2009-06-10T09:34:00.005-04:00

Business. Creative work. Parenting. Personal life. There is so much I want and need to do in each of these areas. At times the weight of it all feels crippling.

Then I remember an undeniable truth: the Universe is always conspiring to do me good. For evidence of this truth, I do not have to look far. My recent healing is proof beyond a reasonable doubt.

Yet there are still times I look at my to-do list and I am overwhelmed. I begin to think about how I should have completed some of the tasks long before or how I should have more resources to get done what is on the list. I think to myself,

"I should do more, be more, have more."

Then I remember something I heard Iyanla Vanzant say, "Never should on yourself."

Recently I had an epiphany about my work as a writer versus my work as a storyteller. Writing is so cerebral to me. Writing gets me inside my head. It's mind-work. If my mind is busy, unsettled, writing clears out the clutter.

Storytelling is different. Storytelling gets me inside my heart. Storytelling is Spirit-work. If my spirit needs lifting, storytelling gives me the elevation I need.

Writing and storytelling are essential to my wholeness. One no more important than the other. Yet it is essential that I have a good balance of both in order to prevent feeling overwhelmed by that infamous to-do list.

BOTH writing and storytelling are ever-present reminders that the Universe is conspiring on my behalf, every minute of every day.

Now I better get back to that long to do list!

What if you are Wrong?

2009-05-27T10:59:00.017-04:00

Do you carry a memory of past hurts and disappointments? Is there someone you need to forgive? Forgiveness is about releasing your need for revenge. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself. Forgiveness is NOT about sanctioning the behavior of the offender.

Surely all of us have been harmed or disappointed by another. The key is what you DO with those feelings of pain and disappointments. Do you hold on to the memory, believing by doing so you are insuring that the person responsible is held accountable? I have heard many spiritual teachers describe this type of behavior: “Taking poison and expecting someone else to get sick.”

Few things are more poisonous than holding on to past hurts. It impedes your progress on the journey. It as if you shackle your feet with cement blocks and then attempt to run. Clearly, there is a better method of taking the journey.

Iyanla Vanzant describes the Law of Forgiveness in her book, Acts of Faith, as: “Infusing the mind with natural healthy ideas that take away the darkness and bring in the light.”

When you bring in the light, you will find peace and happiness. When you hold on to hurts, you may certainly feel RIGHT and JUST, but you rarely feel peaceful or happy. I pose to you the question popularized by Dr. Phil, “Would you rather be right or happy?”

Still not convinced?

Consider these questions: What if you are wrong? What if the reasons why you think, the person acted in the way that you, are all wrong? What if it did not even happen the way you remembered it? What if the person’s motivations were different from what you thought they were?

I can imagine you may not want to explore these questions. You may even have feelings of anger at the mere suggestions these questions pose. Let me give you an example from my own life of what came up for me when I allowed myself to explore these questions.

For years I resented my father for not keeping his word with me. I can remember sitting and waiting for him for hours to take me somewhere only to find out he made other plans, usually with someone else, and that someone else was usually a woman.

From that experience I began to believe that all men (not just my father) lacked integrity, were unreliable and unfaithful. I subsequently found that to be true in my relationships with men (surprise, surprise.) I would recount this story over and over again. That story was my proof that men were unreliable.

When I dug deeper and began to explore this story from the perspective of what if I am wrong? I discovered that my dad might tell this story differently.

First of all, he would say that he likely never made a firm commitment to do what I asked. And that would be true. He often replied to my request by saying, “We’ll see.”

Secondly, my father always believed I could take care of myself. He thought I always demonstrated that I was capable, which is also true. I always had a contingency plan. If he did not come through, I had a back up plan ready to be executed.

So, my father’s story goes something like this, “My daughter made requests of me that I sometimes could not honor but she was OK with it because she always had other options.”

The reason he may think I was OK with his behavior is because I NEVER told him otherwise. My reasoning for not letting him know I was hurt or disappointed was that I did not want him to know he had the power to injury me.

So you see, it just like my Pop-Pop always told me, “There are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth.”

So I ask you, “What if you are wrong?”

Excerpt from my book, Journey to Purpose: Simple Guide to Discovering Your Life Purpose ©2007 T. Dorsey.

Calm Seas on the Journey

2009-05-22T12:45:00.010-04:00

On the surface of the sea there are moments when it is calm and moments when it is turbulent. However, deep down in the sea, all is constantly still.

That deep stillness and calm is what my aim is on my journey in life. Understanding that there will be times when on the surface things are rough, I strive to maintain a deep inner knowing that all is really well within.

The spiritual tools which help me to sustain this inner knowing are journaling meditation/prayer, visualization and music. If I am consistently utilizing my tools, when the rough seas come (And they always do. That’s just a part of this life journey.) Then the turbulence doesn’t last for long.

For instance, in the spring of 2008 I tested positive for a dis-ease that could potentially be with me for the rest of my life. When I got the news, I was walking along the river with a dear friend enjoying an amazing spring day. I was feeling vibrant, alive, healthy, strong, loved and blessed. Everything felt right with the world. Then that call came.

Nothing the medical professional was telling me made sense to me. She informed me that this dis-ease was incurable yet because I have no symptoms, there was nothing I needed to do differently. She told me there are 25 million people in this country who have this dis-ease but do not know it. My thought was, “If they do not know they have this dis-ease, than how does SHE know?”

As she is talking, everything inside me is saying, “This is NOT so. This simply is NOT so.”

After that call ended, through choked words, I told my friend about the news I had just received. On the outside I felt like I wanted to crumble. But inside, something kept saying “It ain’t so.”

I began to sing a song I wrote about letting the river wash over me. In the song, I called out the names of my ancestors who in the face of what seemed insurmountable odds, they not only overcame but triumphed:

Imhotep, Nefertti
Queen Nzinga, Hannibal
Denmark Vesey
Phyllis Wheatly
Malcolm and Martin

In the days following that news, there were certainly moments that on the surface things felt turbulent. However, that inner voice kept telling me that the dis-ease is not so. My wholeness is what was true. That voice kept getting louder and louder. In the depth of my soul, I knew I was healthy and well.

I knew that if I continued to use my spiritual tools I would continue to have the experience of optimum health.

So if that was indeed my truth, why was I having this experience? What was it I am supposed to remember? In the book, Conversation with God. it purports that every experience comes to remind you of Who You Really are?

Whenever I am experiencing any kind of physical challenge I refer to Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life. In that book she charts an array of dis-eases and provides the root mental/spiritual/emotional cause of that dis-ease along with an affirmation to assist in the elimination of that root cause and beginning the healing process.

Hay cites the root cause the dis-ease I was diagnosed having was guilt. This information resonated with me. I certainly felt feelings of guilt at various times in my life. At certain times, my feelings of guilt have almost been crippling.

So now armed with this information, I knew what I needed to do:

o Continue utilizing my spiritual tools
o Release my guilt
o Affirm my healing
o Claim wholeness and wellness in every moment

I envisioned that the next time I got my annual exam my healing would be complete and I would not have this dis-ease. That was not only my vision but what I knew to be already true.

Just this week I went in for my annual exam. The usual battery of tests were done. Lab work was submitted and the results would be in at the end of the week.

Immediately after the doctor left the office, I began to get dress. I began praying, "Thank you for my healing. Thank you for my healing."

Yesterday I got the call. The lab work was in. The result . . .

I tested NEGATIVE.

All is calm on the surface and deep within me. For now.

Blogger Blues

2009-05-14T09:45:00.002-04:00

For some time, readers of my blog have informed me that they have experienced some difficulties leaving comments on my blog. Despite several changes to the settings on my blog the problem still persists. So, I have turned off the Comment Moderation feature which I hope will do the trick. Please let me know if you are still having trouble.

I have also had my own problems publishing the Comments that do get through. For that reason, I wanted to give a special shout out to Deb and Karima for leaving comments on my last post. Deb, your comment never showed up and I appreciate you sharing a synopsis of what you wrote by phone. Your comments are always very encouraging to me. Karima, I was thrilled to hear from you. It has been a long time. Your words of wisdom were truly a comfort to me. More than you could know.

I am considering using another site to host my blog if these challenges persist. If anyone has any tips for improving our experience here on BLOGGER or know of a better host site to use, please let me know (Perhaps email would be best :-).

Parenting on the Journey

2009-05-12T23:54:00.012-04:00

When your journey includes being a parent, you want to be the sign posts for your child's journey. You want to give warnings such as, "Danger up Ahead" and "Caution: Sharp Curves." You want to suggest better paths to take to get to the places of interests with greater ease. You want to provide Roadside Assistance service when your child gets stranded.

I am learning now that there comes a time when you have to allow your child to travel the journey alone. This realization came when I was repeatedly told by my child that she knows the way and has a plan. She clearly understands the directions I have given her. She has heard the warnings and has concluded that I am an alarmist. She is also convinced that the roads are significantly different now than they were when I may have traveled them.

Family, friends and professionals tell me it is time to step aside and allow her to follow the paths she chooses for herself. They tell me it is ok to be nearby in case she does decide to ask for my assistance but until then, I must put away my directions, signposts and travel tips. In the end, everyone is convinced that she will arrive at the places she desires.

I have to say; so far it has been a tough being on the sidelines. Feelings of hopelessness and fear sometime overwhelm me. All I can do now is pray.

Tell a Story

2009-05-01T20:14:00.010-04:00

Today we have endless and instant ways of communicating with each other. We can IM, text, fax, email and call. You can give a report on every moment of your day via blogs and social networking sites. Your message can be sent in a nano second to persons all around the world. Yet are we really connected? Are we really making connections? Are these technologically advanced methods of communicating effective in building relationships, understanding human frailties or solving problems?

I believe we must not lose face-to-face communication. Most importantly, we must get back to telling stories.

In her book, Sisters of the Yam: Black Women & Self Recovery, author bell hooks writes, “In the years before television, folks talked to one another. Conversation and storytelling were important locations for sharing information about the self, for healing.” She continues, “. . . for the telling of our stories enables us to name our pain, our suffering and to seek healing.”

Often as a child, my mother told me a story about being in kindergarten and overhearing a teacher talking about her, “She is really pretty to be so d-a-r-k.” This story not only told of my mother’s early experience with racism, but it was for me, a reminder that my mother was once a vulnerable child. (An obvious fact often overlooked by me especially in my teenaged years.) Hearing this story also made me believe my mother could possibly understand me and my battles in school. After hearing her tale, I then felt I could trust her with my own stories of vulnerability.

Storytelling reconnects us to our past tragedies and triumphs but also points the way to our future. Clyde W. Ford, author of We Can All Get along: 50 Steps You Can Take to Help End Racism, was once asked about how to combat intraracial violence plaguing so many communities. His answer, “Tell them a good story.” Ford understands that when you tell stories of heroes and heroines who overcame tremendous difficulties the listeners begins to think they too may be capable of facing the obstacles in their life. Ford believes that even when faced with the relentless monsters of hunger, poverty, injustice and racism, people can have hope for the future when they hear stories, especial tales of people like them, linked to them through history and heritage.

As a storyteller I have seen first-hand the tremendous transformative power of this art form. You do not have to look far in your own life to see it as well. Think of how storytelling is used in religious circle to inspire the congregation. Think of how political leaders use stories to persuade.

Let us put down our blackberries, PDAs, laptops, for a short wile and tell a story.

New Beginnings

2009-05-01T18:35:00.006-04:00

In previous postings I have shared how important journaling is to my journey. Since I was a small, child I have using writing as a way to understand the world around me. Journaling is how I metabolize my life.

Recently, I purchased a new journal. Selecting a new journal is always interesting for me. First, it is often challenging to find a journal I do not already own because after 37 years of journaling I have an extensive collection. Then, I am very particular about the features I want in a journal. It has to be the right size. It has to be lined. It must have a decorative cover. And the list goes on and on.

Finally, I decided on a silver and white journal with 164 ruled pages, stitch bound, with a silk ribbon marker and a picket holder in the back for those loose pieces of paper I jot my thoughts on when my journal is not handy.

When I get my new journal home I am excited. Starting a new journal is literally the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I wonder to myself, "What events, people, circumstances and situations will prompt me to fill the pages?"

Every now and again, I will read the entries of a journal in my collection. Sometimes my own words from my distant past inspire me. When I read some of my past musings it is like reading a self-help book . Other times, I will read about a challenging time in my life and I can scarcely remember the details in the present moment, which makes me think of the adage, "This too shall pass."

In my younger years, I used to feel embarrassed as I read about some heart break I experienced at the hands of some man in my past that now is barely a blip on my life's radar screen. It is that feeling of embarrassment that at one point kept me from even including the names of people in my journal.

Now that I am a woman of a certain age, I rarely admonish myself for my past transgressions. To paraphrase Maya Angelou, " Always have the courage to give love one more chance. And always one more chance.

So I hope this new chapter in my life is filled with captivating stories. I pray the mistakes of my past are not the mistakes of my future. And if I gain some pearls of wisdom along the way, I promise to share it with the readers of my blog.

Promise.

Enjoying the Journey

2009-03-12T21:51:00.006-04:00

My sister and I were talking recently about how we each stress and worry about things even things we enjoy doing. We realize that when we obsess this way we deprive ourselves of all the good in the experience.

For example, my sister decided she was going to go on vacation this summer. Immediately after making that decision, she began worrying about how she will be able to afford it, how could she find somewhere within her budget and on and on.

Instead of visualizing the many places whe could go or how great it would feel to take time off from work she was stressing, worrying and obsessing. Her daughter pointed this negative behavior out to her and suggested she take a breath and enjoy the process. To begin, my sister could check out vacation spots on the web, cut out pictures of vacation spots from magazines, talk to coworkers about their recent vacations.

This technique of enjoying the process can also be aplied to every day activities as well. My sister has a rental propert that she has been getting inquires about. She can choose to get overwhelmed by the many calls and numerous showings she has to do with prospective renters. She also can choose to feel good that she will be ale to offer a family a safe, beautiful, comfortable housing. She can choose to view the rental application process as an opportunity to meet different people which is something that has always brought her joy. She can choose to be grateful that she has many applicants to choose from increasing the chances she will find the right tenant for her property.

In sum, she can enjoy the process. It is not about pretending or stifling your real feelings. It is about really looking at what is before you and see clearly what is authentically.

When you change the way you look at a thing, the thing you look at changes. Every time. Guaranteed.

Hard Conversations

2009-02-20T11:38:00.002-05:00

"The hardest conversations are the most important ones." India Arie wrote those words in the liner notes of her album, Testimony: Volume 2 Love and Politics. India's words often connect with me at a perfect intersection of time/space. I read those words a short time after having a very difficult conversation with the someone I love. India's words made me take a hard look at myself and how I show up in my life, especially how I choose to show up in relationships during difficult times. What I discovered during this self-reflection is outlined below.

Hard conversations make you want to run away because you just can't stand to be in the company of the other. In that instant, it is most important to stay.

You do not stay to continue a conflict but you stay maybe to stand up for yourself or perhaps for someone else.

You stay so maybe your fear does not win out.

Stay, in order that the one you love may understand that even when you do not like him, do not agree with him - you still love him.

Stay so that even when you do not feel heard; you can show him you do know how to listen.

Stay so that your past hurts no longer hold you hostage.

These hard conversations may make you feel like your head is going to explode. In that instant, it most important to find your breath.

Breathe so you may remember one of the Four Agreements: Don't Take Anything Personally.

Breathe so you may remember that your buttons are being pushed because you allow the wires to continue to be intact.

Breathe so you may remember that the other is always your mirror reflecting back where you need to grow.

Breathe so you may remember that Spirit resides in the breath. When Spirit is present anger, judgment, impatience dissipates.

The hard conversations are the most important conversations because they offer us an opportunity to remember who we really are. The measure of who you are can be found in these hard conversations. They can be the barometer of how big or small you are in these moments. So how big are YOU?

My Companion on the Journey

2009-02-17T11:43:00.002-05:00

Writing is my spiritual companion on this Journey. In my valley experiences and during my mountain top highs, writing is there to sort things out for me. On the page is where I metabolize my life. It is not simply a recording of the Journey. At times, writing gives me the sign post for which way to travel. It is the warning sign for dangers ahead.

Writing rarely allows me to be stagnant. It moves me both figuratively and literally. Through writing, I am able to move pass anger to discover the authentic truth. I may start off complaining about who has done me wrong but writing will not let me stay there. Soon I uncover how I put myself in the position to be victimized.

When I am on top of the world, writing helps me appreciate the beauty of the landscape even more. Through writing I notice the brilliance of the colors on the mountain. Captured in the words on the page is how the bird's song on the mountain sounds harmonized.

I have even found parts of myself on the page that I did not know existed; some parts I wish never existed; and yet still other parts I thought were long lost but I found through my companion, writing. All of my fears are exposed on the page. Writing will not let me hide.

I can not imagine this Journey without writing. It has been there from the beginning. My writing as child was done in a diary with lock and key which is still within my reach at my bedside. As an adult it is done in colorful bound books that fill baskets all around my bedroom.

Writing is the best brand of therapy I know (and the cheapest). It holds my confidence. It is unrelenting when it has to be. Gentle when it needs to be.

The Legacy You Leave

2008-02-24T14:50:00.000-05:00

What signifies a life well-lived? Are awards, certificates and trophies mounted on the wall symbols of a successful life? Are the years spent on a job the indications of the quality of your life? Is the number of mourners at your funeral the litmus test for lifetime achievement?

What yard stick do you use to measure the legacy of a life? In your elder years when you look back on your life, what will cause you to say, “I have achieved great things in my life.”? What will you point to as proof of your success?

What if you raised a child who grew up believing her dreams were achievable because you told that was so? What if you raised a child that had a compassion and commitment to help others because she learned how to love while on your lap?

What if your children turned out to be dedicated parents because they had you as an example? What if your children grew into adults who supported and encouraged each other because you instilled in them the importance of family unity?

Are these indicators of a legacy of love? Is that legacy of love not proof of a life well-lived? What if you had no children? Does that mean you have no legacy of love to leave? What is your measuring stick of a life?

Imagine you are to be honored at a ceremony for your lifetime achievements. Who would you want to attend the festivities? What would you want said about you? Imagine there will be a presentation at this ceremony that is to represent the span of life beginning with your early childhood memories. What would be included in this presentation?

Now don’t just imagine such a ceremony, write down what comes to mind as you visualize it. Make a guests list. Jot down the things that may be said by the attendees. Describe what that presentation of your life would include.

The purpose of this exercise is to reflect and examine not only how you see your journey of life thus far but also to define how you measure success and achievement. By completing this exercise, perhaps you will become more conscious about building a legacy.

Your Truth

2008-01-28T17:51:00.000-05:00

"Say your truth - kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth - gently, but totally and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity."
---- Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God

In my youth and now in years as a mature woman, it amazes me how many people are unwilling to speak their truth. What lies beneath this unwillingness is usually fear. Fear that you may hurt some one's feelings. Fear that people will not like you anymore. Fear that others may retaliate.

As a young person I had no difficulty speaking my truth. My challenge was saying my truth kindly. It felt right to me to tell my truth even if it meant it would injure another. With maturity, I learned to use my truth less as a sword and more as a shield. The truth shielded me from others because when I found myself in a situation that could cause me harm or harm to another, I easily and quickly spoke that truth. It takes courage to tell the truth whether in minor or major situations.

Minor Situations

Standing in line at the Starbuck's, there were only two people in front of me waiting to be served by the one attendant behind the counter. The man in the front of the line must have had a large order because the attendant was working busily for several minutes. Soon, another employee of Starbuck's came to the far end of the counter and struck up a conversation with the attendant behind the counter.

Clearly this conversation was causing the attendant to work slower and several more minutes went by. I could see on the faces of the two people in front of me that they noticed this delay, as well, but neither said a word. The two gave each other knowing glances but neither said anything to the attendant.

Past experience with similar situations told me that the two in front of me would more likely start complaining to each other rather than to say anything to the attendant. As kindly as I could and after taking a few deep breaths, I asked the two employees if they could please hold off their conversation until after we have been serviced. Obviously surprised by what I requested, they both apologized and ended their discussion. The line moved quickly thereafter.

How many times have you found yourself in a similar situation? Did you speak your truth? Did you instead express your frustration with sighs, gasps or snide comments to others? If you did speak up, were you kind? If you did not speak up at all, why not? What were you afraid of?

Major Situations

Ending a relationship is a major situation in which many people are unwilling to speak their truth. The quote from Conversations with God that I used in the opening is very powerful. The most powerful part, in my opinion, is:

. . . change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity.

In relationships, some times your truth changes. For instance, you may have once wanted to be in a committed, monogamous relationship but your truth changed one day and you now may want the experience of being single. Without question, this truth is difficult to express to another. However, doesn't speaking your truth give more honor to the love you may have shared with your partner?

How many times have you been in a relationship and your mate behavior begins to change and you are never told why? Perhaps the relationship ended because of this change in behavior?

A friend recently spoke to me about the importance of bringing honorable closure in a relationship. My friend talked about not letting the relationship simply dissipate like water trickling out of a bucket with a small hole in it. Instead, it is important to acknowledge aloud to each other that it is time to end the relationship. An honorable closure enables you to both acknowledge the importance of the experience you had together and then be able to move on with integrity.

How you speak and live your truth is a testimony to who you are on this journey. Would not the journey be more enjoyable if we each had the courage, honor and integrity to have our spoken truth in alignment with the truth we live?

Staying in the Present Instant

2008-01-20T23:06:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine recently told me about a book entitled, The Tao of Daily Life, which spoke eloquently about being in the present instant instead of the present moment as most other spiritual text refer to. Present instant really spoke to me because it captures the feeling I have had for years now that everything happens so swiftly in life. Both the good and the so-called bad is here and gone in an instant.

If I can put my attention on this very instant, I can find joy and peace and even understanding about my entire journey. This instant my home is warm despite the frigid temperature outside. In this instant, I feel loved. In this instant, I feel prosperous as all of my needs and wants are being met. Moreover, I feel that I also am meeting all the needs and wants of my daughter in this instant.

It is only when I project into the future that I feel any unrest. What is the point of worrying about the future? The future may never even materialize as no instant is promised (let alone a day.) It is not my intention to be esoteric about this issue. I am just wanting to capture this internal knowing I have that things are constantly shifting, changing, transforming, fluctuating, metamorphosing and renewing (myself included).

For a moment tonight, I found myself thinking ahead to the future and wondering, "What if?" What if I never remarry? What if my current feeling of contentment wanes?

My response to these questions was two-fold. First, I immediately told myself to focus on this instant. My second response was, "So what!" It really just "ain't that deep." There is no question that I will love and be loved. I really do not doubt that to be true. So what else really matters?

There will be many times in my remaining lifetime (how ever long that may be) that I will love, feel contentment and be loved. And there will likely be many times I feel other than those feelings.

It just is.

Journey in Relationships

2008-01-11T22:00:00.001-05:00

Best-selling author, motivational speaker, Iyanla Vanzant says that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Those coming into your life for a defined reason, I call Pit Stop Buddies. The seasonal folks, I referred to as Mile Marker Mates and those in for the long term are Lifelong Travelers. The purpose in identifying people in your life using these designations is to determine what role these relationships pay in your life journey. Are they there to teach you a specific lesson then move on? Are they there for a span of time? Are they there for a lifetime experience?

Pit Stop Buddies
It may be a chance meeting, divine synchronicity or as the saying goes, “Two ships that pass in the night.” These encounters happen relatively swiftly and while brief, they are intense. You feel some kind of connection to this person. You may connect in a way that makes you remark, “It feels like we have known each other forever.” It is not only in romantic relationship this type of synergy happens. You and the Pit Stop Buddy could be coworkers, neighbors or participants in similar activities. You hit it off right from the start; so much so, you may begin to think it would be hard to imagine your life without that person. Then the relationship ends as quickly as it began.

You may be left wondering what happened and why. The experience may feel like a roller coaster ride: exhilarating, exciting and . . . over in a flash. Although the Pit Stop Buddy entrance and exit are swift, s/he may leave an indelible mark on you. The swift ending may leave you feeling confused, betrayed or angry.

It is important to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Suppressing or denying your feelings can lead to a host of other challenges physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. A good tool to use to sort those feelings out is journaling.

Once you sort those feelings out it is also helpful to do some reflecting and introspection. What did the Pit Stop Buddy bring to your life? What lasting mark did s\he make? Did you learn something new about your self? Did you venture outside of your comfort zone and try something new? You may find it helpful to consider these questions while doing a meditation.

Mile Marker Mates
When you are traveling, there a mile markers along the way that indicate how far you have traveled and how many miles are remaining. For example, the marker may read, “2/12“ which indicates that the road you traveling on is 12 miles long and you have traveled 2 miles thus far. When you get to another road the count begins anew.

As you travel the journey of life, you encounter Mile Marker Mates who are in your life for a span of time. As you travel together, it feels right. It feels good. It is mutually beneficial. Then it ends.

The ending is not abrupt like with the Pit Stop Buddy. The relationship with the Mile Marker is one that runs its course. For example, you may have been close college buddies and once college is over you each go your separate ways to continue the next leg of you journey on different paths.

As much as it may be clear to both of you that it is time to part, it still may bring up difficult emotions. One or both of you may find it hard to accept that your respective journeys are taking you in different directions.

Lifelong Travelers
The Lifelong Traveler is on your journey for 20 years or more. Counted in this group may be your parents, children or siblings. It could also be your spouse, life partner or a childhood friendship that spans into adulthood. These folks have experience the depth and breadth of your journey. They were there for the valley and mountaintop experiences.

Do not be misled by the label however. Lifetime Travelers may at some point no longer be on your path. Of course, it could be the result of a death but it also could be that after two decades or more, the two of you head in different directions.

It is also important not to assume that Lifelong Travelers are better than Pit Stop Buddies or Mile Marker Mates. Conversations with God, the best-selling book by Neale Donald Walsch puts it this way,

“Try not to confuse longevity with a job well done. Remember, your job on the planet is not to see how long you can stay in a relationship. It’s to decide and experience Who You Really Are.”

When you know whether a person on your journey of life is a Pit Stop Buddy, Mile Marker or Lifetime Traveler, you can better experience Who You Really Are within that relationship. In all relationships, you are there to do inner work, to find your authentic self and live out your life journey on purpose.

Making Your Passion Profitable

2007-12-16T19:43:00.000-05:00

Once you have found your life purpose, how do you stay true to it? What if living your life purpose does not enable you to make a living? How do you stay the course of the journey when your life purpose does not produce enough visible money to enable you to pay your bills?

Often people wonder how they can pursue their passion and meet their financial obligations with ease. One approach to achieving this goal is to begin doing what you are passionate about as a part-time venture while still maintaining your full time employment. Look for opportunities to free lance or do work on a contract basis. This way you test the waters instead of plunging headfirst.

Also, network with people already in the industry you want to enter. You can find out how others made their passion profitable. Do not be timid about asking others for advice. People like talking about their successes. You may also learn about opportunities you can take advantage of without ‘quitting your day job’ just yet.

As my business as a storyteller got more profitable, I stopped doing birthday parties, coffee houses and other small venues because the clients had limited funds and my work was shaping up to be more suitable for larger venues. At the time, I knew a budding storyteller and I passed those gigs on to her. Not only did she get an opportunity to make money at her passion, but also with a recommendation from me, clients who may not have given a newcomer a shot, were now ringing her phone.

Another approach to ensuring that your life purpose is profitable is to be certain not to narrowly define your life purpose. Brainstorm different ways you can do the work you love. Think about non-traditional avenues to pursue your passion. Explore unconventional methods. Let’s say your passion is to have your own therapy practice. If you define your purpose that narrowly (own my own therapy practice) then you limit the opportunities available to you. Define your purpose more broadly such as:

“My life purpose is to use my skills as a mental health practitioner to help couples and families live happier, healthier lives.”

Do you see how other avenues become possible with this broadly defined purpose? You could conduct workshops on parenting. You could write articles for industry publications. You could do weekend seminars on subjects related to families and relationships.

To assist you in defining your life purpose and to allow for maximum opportunities, you should write a mission statement. This statement should define what you want to do; for whom you want to do it; and why you want to do it. In our example above:

What = use my skills as a mental health practitioner
For whom = couples and families
Why = to help them live happier and healthier

Having a mission statement also gives you clarity about your life purpose. Your mission statement can be your beacon of light to help you stay the course on your journey to purpose.

To summarize, to make your passion profitable:

• Begin with a part-time venture
• Network to find out how others did it
• Look for unconventional methods
• Broadly define a mission statement of your purpose

Consistently apply these tactics. Stay positive. Keep the faith. Soon you will find that the profits begin to roll in.

Gratitude from the Inside-Out

2007-12-06T13:41:00.000-05:00

Being grateful for the good already in your life is a transformative energy that can bring more good your way. Often referred to as the Attitude of Gratitude, it activates the universal principle, the Law of Attraction, which states, “Like attracts like.” By putting your attention on the abundance already in your life, you draw to you more abundance.

However, when most people put their focus on existing prosperity, they usually list such things as family, friends, home, food etc. This type of gratitude list consists of things external to the individual. What are often omitted from such lists are those things internal to the individual. I call it Gratitude from the Inside-Out. This type of gratitude is as powerful(if not more so) than having thanksgiving for external things.

Quiets Negative Self Talk
I find that beginning my gratitude list with identifying my internal abundance ignites a powerful sense of self worth and self awareness. So often, we have within us an ongoing internal dialogue about the things we do not like about ourselves. I call this voice the Internal Critic. Internally, we berate ourselves for not being good enough, not having enough, or not being deserving. Listing the positive qualities that make you feel prosperous builds a strong counter-argument to the Internal Critic. The Gratitude from the Inside-Out List provides proof-positive that within you there is good. It is a testimony that you are worthy and deserving.

Connects You to the Divine
Gratitude from the Inside-Out strengthens your connection to the Divine. Each one of us is an individual manifestation of the Divine. Isn’t that what is meant by: “Man is made in the image and likeness of God?”

The qualities of the Divine are also within in the individual. Think of it this way: The Divine is the ocean. You are a drop of water from that ocean. That drop of water contains the same properties found in the ocean. The droplet is not as powerful as the ocean but contains similar qualities. So the argument follows that if you express appreciation for what is within you, you are also expressing appreciation for the Divine.

Additionally, the highest energy vibration is love. Love is the energy that brings you closest to the Divine. Gratitude from the Inside-Out is an expression of self- love. Love of self is just as important as love of another.

Self Love should not be confused with selfishness. The latter is a derivative of the ego while the former derives from the heart. The Gratitude from the Inside-Out is not about boasting and bragging. This gratitude list is about acknowledging and accentuating this truth:

There is good in each one of us.

Sample Gratitude from Inside-Out List
So what might such a list look like? Here is a snippet of my Gratitude from the Inside Out List:

• I give thanks for my compassion for others
• I am grateful I am a good listener
• I am thankful I am caring
• I am grateful that my mind and body are strong
• I am thankful I am a good provider for my daughter

To intensify the transformative energy that this gratitude list can create in your life, write the list and then speak it aloud while looking in a mirror. Be sure to look directly into your eyes as you recite the list aloud. This exercise often can be very moving and healing.

Here again are the benefits of the Gratitude from the Inside-Out List:

• Activates the Law of Attraction
• Attracts More Abundance
• Quiets Negative Internal Voice
• Reinforces your Connection to the Divine
• Promotes Self Love

In gratitude,

T. Dorsey

Journey to . . . Life Purpose

2007-12-02T19:17:00.000-05:00

Does each of us have a life purpose? Is there such a thing as right livelihood? ? What does it mean to live a purpose-driven life? Is it possible to love what you do and have others to pay you well to do it?

The first three questions may be too esoteric and your initial response to them may be “No.” The last question may seem more palatable. Yet, all four questions speak to the same desire. The desire is to live a life that is joyous and abundant in every area, especially in your career path. Is the age-old question posed to all children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

In Paulo Coelho’s extraordinary classic novel, The Alchemist, he refers to this desire as your Personal Legend. Coelho describes your Personal Legend,

“It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young knows what their Personal Legend is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend.”

For me, the “mysterious force” was not very mysterious but man it was powerful. My grandmother was that force. When I came to her bright-eyed and full of hope announcing, “I am going to be a poet when I grow up!” Her response was “You better grow up and get a job.”

As I worked my way through school, that force grew in it’s intensity and power as well-meaning teachers echoed my grandmother’s sentiments. Soon, I shifted my focus from creative writing to journalism: a more acceptable and respectable aspiration in the eyes of the grown-ups in my life.

All through college, I tried to convince myself that I wanted to be a journalist. While all along inside of me, a battle was raging as I longed to be more creative with my gift of writing.

After college, I landed a couple of respectful corporate positions largely due to my writing but far outside the world of journalism. The insurance industry is where I settled. The battle raging within me finally convinced me that journalism was not for me. But instead of returning to what I loved, I allowed myself to be shuttled into a career the way a farmer shuttles cattle into the stable. I simply followed the pack instead of following my heart. My focus became making a living rather than making a life.

A series of significant events transpired that finally got me back on track to pursuing my dream a being a creative writer. Those events were the death of my father, birth of my daughter and the disintegration of my marriage. The last two events happening within the same year was the proverbial straw that reignited my desire to live a meaningful life. A single mother and new homeowner, I quit my corporate job and became a full time professional storyteller and poet.

It’s funny that as children we simply follow our hearts and gravitate towards the activities that make us happy. When children think about the future there is little fear or worry. We believe we can have what ever we dream about. Until . . . some well-meaning grown-up who knows better steers us in a different direction or stop us all together.

Takeaways:

• You already know your life purpose/personal legend. If you are not sure what it is any more, spend time journaling about what you dreamt about as a child. You can spend time in quiet reflection answering the question, “What would I do if there was not chance I could fail?”

• The goal is to make a life not simply make a living. Ask yourself, “What do I enjoy doing even if I don’t get paid for it?”

• Don’t be dissuaded by the naysayer. When someone offers you advice on how you should live your life and that advice does not leave you feeling encouraged. Remember: Free advice is worth the price you pay.

To your success!

Facing Fears

2007-11-25T15:48:00.001-05:00

What value is there in facing your fears? What is there to gain in reliving painful experiences? Does it change anything to acknowledge you have been hurt?

The point of facing your fears is that it allows you to eventually move through it. But before you move through it, you have to acknowledge the pain. You have to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. You have to allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come up for you as you face your fears. No matter what those feelings may be. Usually there are a myriad of emotions to deal with when you confront your fears, especially if you have avoided dealing with them for years. You may have feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, helplessness, vulnerability and rage. It may be helpful to remember this phrase,

“ If it is coming up, then it is on its way out.”

So how do you begin to face your fears? You do it by to telling your story. Write it out. Chronicle exactly what happened. At first you may think you are unable to recall all the details, especially if it happened a long time ago. However, as you write, you may recall memories long forgotten. It is also important to describe how you feel or felt about what happened. Describe in detail what emotions come up for you. Once you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, you can get to the other side.

The story I had to tell to face my fears was about my dad. After he passed away I came to realize that I still struggled with facets of our relationship. Initially, I really did not see the point in relieving all the ways my dad disappointed me. He was dead now. What was the point? What could be the benefit in reliving those painful memories? Despite these objections, I began to write my story.

I recounted the countless times my dad did not show through, as promised. It was a hard story to tell even to myself. At times I wept uncontrollably. At other times my rage was so intense it was palatable. It was incredible to me how many different emotions I felt and how real they all were, as if the events I was retelling had just happened moments ago instead of over a decade ago.

What was the point in that painful exercise? I did indeed move through those feelings and came out on the other side.

On that other side I had some new insights. One insight I discovered was how stuffing those feelings about my dad, over time, impacted my personality, my choices and my relationships. By retelling that story I also gained an entirely new perspective on that painful experience. Eventually, after allowing myself to feel all those emotions I had been stuffing for so many years, I began to feel lighter like a weight had been lifted.

What happened next was really unexpected. I found that I had transformed into a higher version of myself, a more authentic version of who I really am. This new insight even made me feel grateful for that painful experience because I liked who I grew to be because of it.

Facing your fears enables you to rid yourself of buried emotions. By coming to face-to-face with what you are afraid of, you are able to free yourself. You also offer yourself an opportunity to grow from the experience. In the end, you may discover you like YOU not in spite of what happened to you but because of what happened to you.

The Law of Attraction - 4 Daily Strategies

2007-11-20T18:06:00.001-05:00

You may have become familiar with the universal principle, the Law of Attraction, through the hit DVD, The Secret, or perhaps, like myself, you have be on a road to self-discovery and spiritual awareness for some time and know first-hand how your thoughts can create the world around you. How ever you came to know the truth that you can deliberate create your life by the images and thoughts you hold in your mind, you know how important it is to keep your vibration positive and high. Yet on a day-to-day basis it may be quite a challenge to do so.

It is so easy to slip into a low vibration. It takes concentration to keep your focus and energy on what you desire in life instead of what is lacking in your life. You need strategies for maintaining a high, positive vibration. These strategies for keeping you on course must be practiced daily. Without clearly defined strategies to keep your attention on the good you desire, you can easily be pulled off course by the barrage of images and sounds in your environment that carry the message such as, “Life is hard.” “The world is violent.” “Following your dreams is impossible.”

For me, these strategies are multi-faceted. Journaling is strategy #1. It is both my greatest escape and my most powerful tool for making sense of my world. (For more on journaling see my post Journaling Tips for the Journey of Life)

Strategy #2 is meditation. I call my meditation period my Stillness Ritual. (For more information on my stillness ritual, see my post Making Time to be Still)

Strategy #3 is to write out exactly what I want in each area of my life. I keep this list by my bed and read it every morning and every night. I have read it so much that I have it memorized. Reciting in the mirror helps me to prevent the reading from becoming rote. It is also imperative that I really feel the emotions of having the things on my dream list. As I look into my eyes and recite the words, I also visualize what I am saying. By visualizing the things I desire, I am able to feel the feelings of having those things now. The imagination is a powerful thing!

Strategy #4 is to be mindful of what I ingest throughout my day. I am not talking about food (although healthy, nutritious food can certainly impact your state of consciousness). I am speaking about being mindful of what I read, listen to on the radio, watch on television and what types of conversations I allow myself to be engaged in.

I rarely watch the news. The day’s headlines are not often about anything uplifting that will help me maintain a positive vibration. Any information I read will come to me when I need it. I firmly believe that to be so. Someone will call me or I will hear what I need to know in passing. Occasionally, if I feel I want the news of the day, I will read it online. Reading it on line gives me the power to choose what information I want to read. Online news reading is far less jolting then watching television news.

Most people in my life do not engage me in conversations about the terrible, horrible events of the world. If I find myself in such a conversation, I try and redirect that person to a more uplifting topic. If redirection does not work, I excuse myself from the conversation completely.

Journaling, my stillness ritual, reciting my dreams aloud and being mindful of what I ingest are the strategies I employ daily to keep my vibration high and positive. Each day I want to takes steps to realizing my dreams, being of service and living peacefully and joyously. These strategies help me to do that. Days when despite my best efforts I do slip into the valley, I know that it still is all good because in the valley is where I gained some of my greatest lessons. While in the valley I also know that on each side of the valley is a mountain. Getting back to the mountain top is what this journey called life is all about.

Journaling Tips - For the Journey of Life

2007-11-13T19:14:00.001-05:00

The best way I know how to navigate this journey called life, with its ups and downs, is to journal. Since I was old enough to hold a pencil I have escaped to the page. Writing is my spiritual companion. In my valley experiences and during my mountaintop highs, writing is there to sort things out.

For example, through writing I am able to move pass anger to uncover the authentic truth. I may start off my journaling by complaining about who has done me wrong but my Inner Wisdom will not let me stay in anger very long. Soon, I uncover how I put myself in the position to be victimized.

When I am on top of the mountain, journaling helps me appreciate the beauty of the landscape even more. Through writing, I notice the brilliance of the colors on the mountains. Capturing the words on the page, I am able to hear harmony in the songs of birds. I have even found parts of me on the page that I did not know existed and some parts I wish no longer existed. Yet still, I find other parts I thought were long lost.

In her book The Right to Write, Julian Cameron says, “We should write because humans are spiritual beings and writing is a powerful form of prayer and mediation, connecting us both to our own insights and to a higher and deeper level of inner guidance as well.”

If you want to use journaling as a tool to navigate through your journey of life, there are easy ways to get started. A blank page intimidates some people. If you find you come to the page and have nothing to say, then take one of your affirmations and write it over and over for the 15 minutes. You are likely to find that, as you are writing the affirmations other thoughts come to you. Get those thoughts down no matter how disconnected, obscure or nonsensical they may be. Get it down! It might be the grocery list. It does not matter. GET IT DOWN. Remember this writing will not be graded ;-).

Journaling does not have to be a daily account of what is happening in your life - but it can be. You may find that detailing what happened yesterday or what your plans are for today is a good place to start your brain dump.

If writing an affirmation repeatedly or writing a daily account does not get your thoughts flowing, use one of these starters. (You may want to write these on the inside cover of your journal for a quick reference should you need them.)

• If the desires of my heart were evident to the world people would know that I am_______________________________.

• What frightens me most is ___________________________.

• If no one were to ever find out I would __________________.

Whichever way you start does not matter. What matters is that you go to the page. Writing is the best brand of therapy for me. It holds my confidence. It is unrelenting when it has to be and gentle when it needs to be.

Check out My Book: Journey to Purpose

Making Time to Be Still

2007-11-05T13:47:00.001-05:00

The only way I can effectively manage the demands of running my own performing arts company and the demands in my personal life is to allow time to be still. Being still enables me to recharge my battery and have the energy I need in the multiple areas of my life. I call it my Stillness Ritual.

Do not let the word ritual scare you. To set aside any concerns, let me be clear. A ritual is a series of acts you perform for a specific reason. My Stillness Ritual is taking time to listen within. Susan L. Taylor, editorial director of Essence Magazine and author of In the Spirit says, "The wisdom and strength you seek await you in the silence within."

I usually do my Stillness Ritual as soon as I awake. I take a few slow and deep breaths and focus on a few simple words such as, “Peace be still.” I say that phrase repeatedly to myself while remembering to concentrate on my breathing.

Some times my mind does wander which is natural. To get back in focus I simply put my attention back on my breathing. My Stillness Ritual usually takes only 5 minutes but the benefits are felt through out my day. When I am done my ritual I feel ready to greet the world.

If I fail to take time to be still I pay the consequences. I am less focused in my day so my thoughts are scattered. My energy is depleted more easily. My patience is short.

Just taking five minutes for myself each morning allows me to be more effective in all areas of my life. In the day-to-day fast pace of the world many may say they cannot find the time be still even for five minutes. For me, it is simply a must if I am gong to be fully present with the people I love and the work I love to do.

My Stillness Ritual is one of the most important tools I used to maintain peace and joy in my journey of life. If you would like to learn how to incorporate a Stillness Ritual in your life check out my article Make Time for You: Create a Stillness Ritual.

Check out My Book: Journey to Purpose